10 things only a Mom can teach & Mom's Favorites: The Ham Sandwich
| 10.
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... |
| |
"Just
wait until your father gets home." |
| 9. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE |
| |
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!" |
| 8. My Mother taught me LOGIC |
| |
"If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." |
| 7. My Mother taught me AGRICULTURE... |
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"If you don't stop swallowing those seeds you're going to have watermelons growing in your stomach." |
| 6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... |
| |
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." |
| 5. My Mother taught me ESP... |
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"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?" |
| 4. My Mother taught me HUMOR... |
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"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." |
| 3.
My Mother taught me how to BECOME
AN ADULT... |
| |
"If
you don't eat your vegetables, you'll
never grow up." |
| 2. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE |
| |
"When you get to be my age, you will understand." |
| And
- at the number 1 spot - my personal
favorite: JUSTICE |
| |
"One
day you'll have kids, and they'll
be just like you....Then you'll see
what it's like." |
Mom's Favorites: The Ham Sandwich
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again
for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have
sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the
sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you
know why they call that mustard 'Poup-on.'"
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